Truly a Great Bottle

To a woman advertising a rather large Southern Comfort bottle:

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: November 19 
Subject: Southern Comfort Bottle

Dear SoCo Connoisseur,

Really?

William

From: Charlene Crawford
To: William Manning 
Date: November 20 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

Are you interested in purchasing this bottle?

It is truly a great bottle, I am 5’5”, and it comes up to my knee,

Biggest bottle I have ever seen!!!

Thank you

Charlene

 

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: November 20 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

Charlene,

What is wrong with it?

Will

From: Charlene Crawford 
To: William Manning 
Date: November 21 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

Absolutely nothing.

It is used for display only, they are not sold. They are destroyed.

It is empty and always has been, although it is sealed as the bottles for sale.

It is a Genuine Giant Southern Comfort glass bottle, with all the labels and Southern Comfort embossed on the sides.

It is the real thing, need I say more.

I would be more then happy to meet you somewhere if you would like to see it.

Thank you

Charlene

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: December 1 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

 Charlene,

I'm sorry my response time was so latent.  However, I traveled to Louisville to see the Brown-Forman Corp. headquarters, and to inquire about this type of bottle.  Mr. Hotchkins (I believe that is how it is spelled), informed me that these types of bottles are NOT produced by their corporation.  He also advised me not to purchase this from you, as it is most likely a scam, and to inform the police.

Cheers,

Will

From: Charlene Crawford 
To: William Manning 
Date: December 1 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

Will

Get a grip – don’t even waste your time to entertain the thought that I would believe this statement (I traveled to Louisville to see the Brown-Forman Corp. headquarters) over a $15.00 bottle.

Call who ever you like – you already missed the chance to own this bottle.

The purchaser is a collector and he is/was more then happy to pay me the asking price.

So, get over yourself and your BS.

Charlene

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

 Charlene,

Well, I must say, I am rather offended.  I in no way intended to hurt your feelings with my last email.  I'm not sure why you do not believe my statements.  We have never met, so how can you claim they are false?  I'm and more than happy for the collector, although I'm sure that when he figures out the bottle is a fraud, he will politely request his money back.  I would be more than willing to show you the letter of verification Mr. Hotchkins wrote for me.

Cordially,

Will

From: Charlene Crawford 
To: William Manning 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

 Look, I don't know who you are either, and I'm happy to keep it that way.  IT IS NOT FAKE  Stop emailing me and fuck off.

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

 Language, Mrs. Crawford, language.

From: Charlene Crawford 
To: William Manning 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

FUCK.  OFF.

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

I found a toothpick in my shoe today.

From: William Manning 
To: Charlene Crawford 
Date: December 2 
Subject: Re: Southern Comfort Bottle

 It sure was lovely.